Dearest Helpless
by Red-Elephant
Summary: Serena discovered the love of her life at the tender age of thirteen only to become burried under the obligations of a society where magic, such as true love, is but a childhood fantasy.


DEAREST HELPLESS

Rating: PG

Author: Red_Elephant

DISCLAIMER: Sailor Moon belongs respectively to Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation and DIC Entertainment. Not written for monetary purposes, this is simply written in the hopes of entertaining anyone out there who decides to read it.

_AN: It is an alternate universe tale so that means no sailor moon, no cats and no aliens. Please let me know what you think._

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I knew I loved him from the age of thirteen. A girl still lost in innocent childish fantasy that I held onto with tightly clenched fists until Father grew exasperated and informed me that it was high time I became a lady. I did so with great reluctance, keeping one hand firmly on the Dream World I had so embraced in childhood. While I learnt needlework and other tedious duties as Mother prepared me for Society I imagined that I was an Adventurer in a world of fairies and dwarves. I would battle pirates and sleep on clouds in the sky as I waited for Prince Charming to come and sweep me off my feet with a single kiss. I longed to escape the dullness that was my life and so began my torment.

Mamoru had always been there, a steady fixture in my life from the age of five. Four years my senior, I had always viewed him with a certain amount of awe any child holds for that of someone older. Yet that did not leave me blind to the disdain he held for me nor did it stop me from fighting back whenever he teased me for personal amusement.

He was terribly skinny with a shock of raven hair that, as the years passed, grew longer until it flopped into his eyes in a style not popular with the era. I heard many a gossip session over the possible cause of Mrs Chiba's negligence of her son's hair, the favourite being an affair with Mr Roberts' two doors down. Being a Japanese migrant in an entirely Anglo Saxon neighborhood and married to an Italian Banker guaranteed to keep her in the gossip ring for years.

This had a marked effect of Mamoru's life. I was one of the only children in our neighborhood he was allowed to play with for our mothers were, and still are to this day, loyal friends. Mamoru related better with my twin brother Robbie. The two would often exclude me from their games and on the odd occasion that I was included I was always the Bad Guy. This unfortunately meant being subjected to such tortures as being tied up and left for hours, mouth gagged and unable to call for help.

It wasn't a lightning bolt moment; it wasn't a vision or a touch that brought on my realization. It was gradual like the tentative feelers of the night sky turning over to the sun's warmth. At the age of seventeen Mamoru had grown enormously tall and devastatingly handsome though to this day he still remains a thin man. I watched with growing fatalism and something akin to betrayal as he courted danger by carrying out a secret affair with the daughter of one of the neighborhoods wealthier families.

I grew to count the hours till his visit each week. I took extra care to make myself look pretty though I knew I would never be beautiful. I began to wish my legs were a little longer, my breasts a little fuller, my white blonde curls a little straighter. I didn't want to be a little girl anymore yet at thirteen I was still but a child in his eyes, the annoying girl he loved to tease. So I let go of the remaining hold I had of my childhood (though I think I kept a two fingers grasp for safekeeping) and threw myself into Mothers lessons.

It was the night prior my fifteenth birthday that forever changed my life though not in the way you might expect. I had been introduced to Society yet that night I was not attending a Ball, I was not socializing with the other girls who loved to gossip about the unlimited potential of our neighborhood's gentlemen. I was at home alone, an event so rare that I can only recall it happening twice to my memory.

The air was cold, snow swirling in a gentle storm. I sat in the den reading when the doorbell rang. I was surprised to find Mamoru on my doorstep for his visits had dwindled over the past months. He brushed past me without invitation and went immediately to warm his hands. I had wondered idly why he had not worn gloves but it was just a passing thought. We did not talk, merely sat watching the bright flames flicker and dance as the air swirled down the chimney to give breath to the fire. It was a rarity for me for I find it hard to keep silent or stay still. It was hunger that forced me to open my mouth and so I brought us some food.

"You have changed Serena."

I froze, my mouth full of warm milky tea. "What? No I haven't."

Yet I knew that was a lie. My body had changed over the last months and I had matured considerably. However, my confidence had not strengthened and so I remained confused and slightly defensive to his out of the blue statement.

"Yes you have." His mouth twisted in amusement. "Look at you."

I didn't want to look. Denial pounded through my brain and so I stood; intent on a getaway, an escape. Mamoru gently caught my shoulders and lowered me back into my chair. My mind went into suspended animation as he hovered over my chair, chocolate tinted breath gently caressing my forehead. I think I closed my eyes for I did not see him bend yet further and take my lips. Every inch of my body sang with the sweet pressure of his lips as they softly worked mine until I melted. Wide eyes that had flown open in shock fluttered closed as the soft trace of his tongue touched my lips and I yielded. I shook like a leaf in autumn, so over loaded with emotions yet so focused on this beautiful man as he kissed me senseless. Except for the contact of our mouths, we did not touch though I longed to sculpt his angular face with my palms.

It was the slamming of the front door that triggered our hasty separation. My parents appeared with a blonde gentleman in tow. We had been introduced yet I had paid him little attention. I now wish I had for things may surely have turned out different.

"Serena, Mr Whitacher has asked for your hand in marriage." My Father's normally stern face beamed. "I believe him to be a suitable match and am thus overjoyed with his proposal."

I could only nod dumbly. My mind was already racing to form some sort of escape from this prison Father was building. Mamoru stood to one side, a silent figure in a room that had seemingly forgotten his presence. Panic morphed into the black claws of despair. I announced loudly that I would see Mamoru to the door.

"I won't marry him Mamoru." It was said with the naiveté of a child who still believed her dreams would come true.

Mamoru's head tilted, eye's opaque, shutters drawn. "He is wealthy Serena. He will provide you with security in both life and station. You will marry him."

"I love you."

I was a day from fifteen yet those words were spoken with the conviction of one many years my senior. Mamoru's eyes drifted closed and I pondered for a terrifying moment that he was in pain or disgusted yet his face was peaceful, savouring the sweetness of my words. Finally though, he took a step towards me; paused and half-turned before meeting my tear filled eyes.

"I love you too. I always have."

While the chill of the snow was below freezing I felt warm all over and so I returned to my home with childish hopes of a reunion with my love. I dreamt that he would burst into my room at night and carry me away. We would live happily ever after. But it was not to be.

I married Timothy Whitacher on January Nineteen. I still think of it as the day that I completely lost my innocence, body and soul. I have known a love my entire life yet it is held close to my heart. I wish to prick my finger with a spinning wheel and awaken to the kiss of my true love. Yet reality finds me in a world where we are joined to others with bands of gold witnessed by God. Reality finds a little boy with a shock of raven hair standing on the corner eating toffee as I walk by. Reality is my prison.

But a small part of me still clings to fantasy in a two fingered hold for I did get a kiss and it was...magic.

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**AN: Please Review


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